WISHING I NEVER GREW UP

Forgetting my childhood

I came back home after an exhausting day, whilst driving from work with the Script album on Spotify accompanying me, I saw kids playing and cycling on their driveway. Living in the moment and not worrying about what tomorrow would bring with the biggest smile on their face and having an awesome time amidst the pandemic. Looking at them in awe and curiosity, a thought occurred to me:

“What is it like to be a kid again? At what point, did I stop?”

I started reminiscing and contemplating about my childhood. To waking up at 5am, just to watch “Tom and Jerry” and “The Flintstones” in Cartoon Network, to playing tag and basketball under the rain, to searching through the park looking for spiders, and to waiting for the ice cream truck to pass by every Sunday afternoon. Each day, I realised, like a pirate, excitement and adventure were my company.

As I grew older, experiencing and understanding the complexities of life, excitement, and adventure abandoned me like thick clouds shading the Sun. Social responsibility and social expectations caught on me with relative ease. I found myself, being programmed and controlled by someone outside my control. I found myself in an office working for a job, I am not passionate in.

Living a life filled with security and wealth are a noble pursuit in life, that’s what I’ve always been taught. Earning a high paying job, buying a house, and having a family are the constructive guidelines of a happy and successful life. As I am following these pursuits, I often asked myself:

“Why am I feeling more lonely? Why do I feel lost”

I started reflecting, as a kid, I was always grateful for my life and looked at each day as a privilege filled with positivity and faith. But now, being a fully grown “adult”, I was more anxious and worried about where my life was headed or whether I was good enough. I lost the kid inside of me, the pirate inside of me. Or maybe, I must have just forgotten it? I read a book by Antoine De Saint Exupery called “The Little Prince”, and one of the passage, hit me like a giant wave of tsunami:

“Growing up is not the problem, forgetting is”

As I am writing this, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, I’m constantly re-igniting the pirate inside of me. Maybe it’s the key to happiness? Being both an adult and a kid, that seems ironic, but maybe life itself is an irony.

Well, who am I to know any better, after all, I am just a 26 year old………. “kid”.